| Title | 宵月ノ雫～幕末恋綴り～ 弐ノ章 久坂玄瑞 |
| Romaji | Yoitsuki no Shizuku ~Bakumatsu Koi Tsudzuri~ 2 nosho Kusaka Genzui |
| Eng. | Drops of Moonlight Bakumatsu Love Story Vol 2 Kusaka Genzui |
| CV | 近藤隆 Kondo Takashi |
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Tracks
Hellfire
It was Kaei 6 (1853) [1] when the Black Ships appeared in Uraga and threw the country into turmoil.
First, my mother passed away. Early the following year, with everyone still rattled by the Black Ships, the Choshu clan scrambled to strengthen their coastal defenses. They called on my older brother, who was both a doctor and knowledgeable in Western military science, to devise new defense strategies. Even while sick in bed, he worked day and night, driven by his sense of duty. The moment he completed his writing, he, too, died. Just a few days later, worn out from all the torment, my father collapsed and died as well.
And just like that, at fifteen, I became the sole heir to the Kusaka family medical practice, and found myself completely alone.
I know the Black Ships had no direct connections to the deaths of my parents and brother. Yet from that moment on, a dark, smoldering hatred for foreigners from across the sea may have been burning in my heart.
Time passed, and it was now Ansei 3 (1856). I obtained permission to study in Kyushu. After spending three months traveling around, I returned to Hagi at the end of spring.
(In the streets)
Huh? Ah! Hey, watch where you’re… Oh, it’s you.
That’s right, this is behind your house. What are you rushing for?
If you’re looking for the tofu seller, he’s long gone.
Are you that disappointed? Well, whatever. By the way, how long do you plan to keep clinging to me?
Oh, I just got back. A little earlier than expected. Even if I’d sent word ahead, there’s no one left in my family to welcome me home.
Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it already.
Hm? I’m just going home.
Aah… Hey! What’s this about?
Dinner… No, I’d only trouble your family by suddenly barging in. I appreciate the offer, but I’ll pass.
You know, you’ve always been so pushy about these things. Alright, I’ll take you up on it.
(After dinner)
Thanks for having me. Sorry I couldn’t help out, especially after such a wonderful meal. Please tell your mother the simmered taro was amazing.
What? Oh, really? Well, even if you made it, it doesn’t change the fact that it was delicious.
Hey, don’t laugh. You’ve got rice on your face. Not there, the other side.
No, a little higher. Are you a kid? You’re so hopeless. Stay still.
There, I got it.
You’re a woman, you know, you should take better care of your appearance.
Well, judging by your appetite, you seem healthy enough. When you were little, you had so little appetite that you could barely finish a tiny bowl of porridge.
I haven’t done anything to be thanked for. It was my brother who saved you from your illness. Back then, I just tagged along on my brother’s house calls and watched. As a doctor, I’m still nowhere near his level.
Hm? No, I didn’t travel to Kyushu to study medicine. I wanted to see more of the world for myself.
Ever since Japan opened up to foreigners, everything has been changing at lightning speed. Even ordinary townspeople and farmers are seriously worried about this country’s future.
It’s not that I belittle my family business, but I can’t just stay cooped up in Hagi, focusing only on medicine. That realization hit me hard during my travels.
For now, I plan to meet a man, Yoshida Shoin. You must’ve heard of him, right?
Yes, that’s right. The man who violated the national ban and tried to stow away on a Black Ship. After being imprisoned in Noyama Prison for a while, I hear he’s now under house arrest at his family home in Matsumoto village. Everywhere I went, people kept urging me to meet him.
To be honest, I wasn’t particularly interested at first. But I got curious when I heard even Takasugi was spending a lot of time at his school, Shoka Sonjuku.
Right, you’ve met Takasugi a few times before. We studied together at the same small school and sat next to each other.
Remember how they used to tease him about his smallpox scars, calling him “Splotched Azukimochi”?
He got bored with lectures at the Meirinkan and threw himself completely into swordsmanship instead. If someone like him is so invested, Yoshida Shoin must have something. Well, seeing is believing, right?
The wind’s getting chilly. Sorry for talking so long. You should go inside. I’ll get going, too.
Yeah, see you around.
(Offscreen)
As it turned out, my meeting with Shoin-sensei blew open that narrow field of vision I’d been fixated on.
Hiji-chomoku: “Listen far and wide with your own ears, and see deeply and broadly with your own eyes.”
Following his teaching, two years later, I left Choshu for Edo.
[1] Dates in this CD follow the Japanese lunar calendar. For example, for the Kinmon Incident on August 20, 1864, he will say it happened on July 19 of Genji 1.
[2] 飛耳長目 (Hiji-chomoku): From Guanzi, Ch 55 Jiu Shou. It’s Yoshida Shoin’s famous philosophy.
To Edo
Summer, Ansei 5 (1858). It has been about half a year since I began staying at the Chosho clan’s Edo residence.
(At the clan’s residence)
Katsura-san, I’m heading out to pick up Takasugi. He sent word that he’d arrive in Edo by afternoon, so he should be here soon. We’re meeting at the tea house in Nihonbashi.
Got it. I’ll be off then.
(At the tea house)
Sorry for being late. It’s quite a journey from the residence. You should be grateful that I came all the way to pick you up. That aside, it must’ve been a long trip. You look the same as ever, Takasugi.
I’ve always been unfriendly, leave me alone. We don’t have time to banter. Let’s go.
Someone with you?
What?! What are you doing here? Hey, Takasugi, what’s going on?
A maid at the residence? I heard that we were short on hands and planning to hire someone new, but… I didn’t expect it to be you.
Hey, what do you mean, “that’s just how it is”?! Wait! Where are you going? Takasugi!
That damned Azukimochi… Not only did he leave you behind, but he even left me to cover the bill.
It’s too late to chase after him now. Look, he’s already way over there. He’s always good at running away after making a mess. He’s needlessly fast when it comes to escaping. I bet he’s heading to Yoshiwara to kill time. That guy, he planned this from the start, getting me to come meet him. Sign… No use complaining now.
Hey, old man, the bill, please. For this one and that flashy guy who was just sitting there.
So much for my plans… Anyway, I might as well take you to the residence. Come with me.
(In the streets)
Not used to the crowds in Edo?
That’s right. It’s nothing like Hagi. Hey, don’t gawk so much, you’ll bump into someone.
People from all over the country gather here, which means there are plenty of shady characters, too. If you don’t want to get into trouble on your first day here, just stay put and hold my hand. At least, I’m allowed to carry daisho [1], so I can handle the likes of common thugs.
Haha, that’s better.
Hm? Is that what you were worried about? I’m not angry or anything. It’s the times we live in. Even if it’s just a maid, we can’t have someone we don’t trust working at the clan’s residence, where important people come and go. Since both Takasugi and I know you, I guess you’re a good fit.
Don’t relax just yet. Being a maid at the residence is tough work. We’ll see if someone who can’t even have dinner without getting rice on her face is up to the task.
If you do a good job, I’ll forget about that soon enough.
Hm? You’re going back to Hagi in winter?
I see… Well, in that case, I’ll be counting on you for the next six months.
[1] 大小 (daisho): The combination of a main Uchigatana (long sword) and a spare Wakizashi (short sword), which was a samurai’s formal attire during the Edo period.
Autumn Sakura
You’re working hard out there. They say the garden looks like a tapestry of autumn leaves, but with this many trees, sweeping them up must be quite a chore.
So, it seems like you’ve really gotten used to the work here. By the way, are you busy all day today?
If not, I have a favor to ask. I’ve been invited to a banquet by someone who’s been helping me. I thought it’d be a good chance to get some new clothes made, but I don’t have the slightest idea about Edo fashion. Would you come with me to the kimono shop and help me pick something out?
Even so, you must know more than I do, right?
Takasugi? No, definitely not him. I absolutely won’t ask him. He’d just pick something ridiculously flashy. Besides, if I asked him for this kind of favor, he’d tease me about it forever. No thanks.
Not that I’m forcing you, though. If you don’t want to, I’ll go by myself.
Really? That’s a relief. Just let me know when you’re done with work then.
(At the shop)
Hey, shopkeeper, could you show us some fabric?
Let’s see… How about this one?
Too bland? Then what about that one?
Not good? This is harder than I expected…
Huh? What is it, shopkeeper? Oh yeah, I need something suitable for a banquet.
Oh, shippo pattern? Indeed, the fabric is quite beautiful. What do you think? The shopkeeper recommended it.
Hm? Oh, the hanabishi pattern you’re holding? Let me see that one too. Yeah, it’s soft, feels nice against the skin, and the colors aren’t bad, either. Yeah, this is the one…
I’ll have one made with this hanabishi pattern. Huh? What?
No, I didn’t pick it just because you liked it. I simply like this one better. Besides, you’ve known me for a long time. If you say it suits me, then there’s no doubt about it.
Is that really something to be so excited about? I was just speaking my mind.
Anyway, it’s settled then. Shopkeeper, bill, please.
Hm? What’s wrong?
Oh, they have hairpins too. Would you like one?
Huh? That one… Shopkeeper, is that one left over?
Hmph. Cherry blossoms at this time of year…
Sorry for the wait. Oh, they say it’ll be ready in about half a month. Here, hold out your hand. Just do it.
A cherry blossom pin looks rather lonely among all these bellflowers and chrysanthemums. Take it. You can think of it as thanks for today. If you don’t want it, you can always return it.
Hey, you don’t have to put it on now.
Cherry blossoms in autumn… definitely out of season. But it’s not bad, it really suits you.
Seems you like it. That’s good, then.
Alright, it’s about time to go home. The sun’s starting to set.
A Muddy Heart
(At the residence)
Oh, good morning. It’s pretty chilly this morning.
A letter for me? Oh, from Shoin-sensei?
Hmm… this is… ah, no, it’s nothing. I’ll be out for a bit.
There was something I forgot to tell you. In the past few days, young women have been gone missing around this area, probably kidnapped. For now, don’t go out after dark, okay?
Alright, I’m heading out.
(In the streets)
I’m later than I expected. Hm? What’s that?
It’s so noisy. A drunk harassing a woman? No, that voice… could it be?!
You bastard! What are you doing there? Where are you taking her?
Doesn’t look like these guys will listen to reason. No, don’t move! Close your eyes. I’ll get you out of this.
Let her go. Now!
Too slow!
You get it now? In a dark, narrow space like this, having more people only puts you at a disadvantage. Now, if you don’t want to lose your heads here, let her go and get out of here!
You idiot! Did you not listen to me? I just warned you about this, yet you’re still wandering around at this hour? What do you think would’ve happened if they’d taken you? You could’ve been sold off somewhere, thrown into the hands of some stranger.
Something urgent? The head maid sent you?
I… got a bit worked up. Sorry for yelling.
No, don’t apologize. Just stay like this for now. You’re trembling.
I’m glad I got here in time. You’re safe now.
You seem to have calmed down a bit. Can you walk?
Let’s go home. Here, take my hand.
Are you hurt? No, let me see.
I see. Looks like you scraped yourself while struggling. It’s not deep, but you’re bleeding from your fingertip. Stay still.
I’m just stopping the bleeding. There, that should do it. Come to my room when we get back to the residence. I’ll treat it properly.
Even a tiny wound can fester if you ignore it. If you don’t want to lose a finger, listen to the doctor. Let’s go.
(In his room)
Let me see your hand. I’ll apply the medicine. It’ll sting a little.
Does it hurt? I just need to bandage it. Bear with it a little longer.
Still, if you’d just stuck to the main road, none of this would have happened. I get that it was urgent, but you’re far too careless.
At least you only hurt your hand. If you’d scarred your face, you might’ve had trouble finding a husband.
I suppose that’s not entirely true. You may be a bit clumsy, but you’re thoughtful and considerate. That’s why, eventually, someone will…
No, never mind. Here, all done.
Don’t look at me like that. It makes me nervous.
Stop it. I told you don’t look at me like that.
Are you testing me? I just said you’re too careless! Did you think nothing would happen because it’s me? That I wouldn’t push you down and pin you underneath me like this? Don’t forget I’m a man too. Being alone at night like this… things could happen. I might… just take you right here.
That’s why I told you to stop. You’re such an idiot.
Say something! Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me to let go. Why are you just letting it happen? Why aren’t you resisting? I’m serious… I’ll really do it.
You…
I can’t do this. You should… go back to your room.
Just go. Get out of here!
I’m the worst… I’m the fool here. What am I doing?
So this is what jealousy feels like…
Moonlit Rendezvous
Huh? You…
You’re still awake.
I see. I should go, then. About earlier… I’m sorry.
Why are you stopping me? You probably don’t even want to see my face, right?
I see.
The air is so clear tonight—the moon seems especially bright. Winter’s almost here. That means the day you return to Hagi is also approaching.
Remember… the letter from Shoin-sensei the other day?
It was about… my marriage arrangement. Before I left Edo, he suggested that, upon my return, I marry his younger sister, Fumi-dono. Since I didn’t give him an answer and avoided the matter at that time, he wrote to urge me to make up my mind already.
Congratulations…? I suppose so. It’s an honor to marry the sister of the teacher I respect most. I should be happy. But I’m going to turn it down.
Why? You’re asking me that? You really are cruel.
And here I am, a man who couldn’t even win over the one woman I’ve ever truly loved with all my heart. How could someone like that possibly change this country?
You’ve been the only one by my side all this time. When my family died, when all I could do was throw myself into studying, when everyone else kept their distance from the lonely me, you were the only one who stayed by my side.
I… I want you. I need no other woman but you. (Kiss)
I love you, hopelessly so.
Will you accept me? (Kiss)
Sorry, did it hurt?
Love is such a complicated thing. At first, you only yearn for someone’s heart. But once they return your feelings, you find yourself wanting everything. I never imagined it’d be this hard to hold back.
I want you. May I have you? All of you.
Come to my room.
(In his room)
How long are you going to stand there? Come here.
Come closer, let me see your face. Yes, just like that.
Who would have thought I’d have you in this position twice in one night.
Gentle? Hmm… That earlier… When I imagined you marrying another man, I couldn’t control my frustration. It sounds foolish now that I say it loud, but…
Basically… I was jealous. I’m really sorry for being so rough. Don’t laugh.
No, if you apologize here, I’ll have no place to stand. That was my fault. I wanted to be gentler with you than anyone else.
But thanks to that, you relaxed a bit. Did you not notice? You were so tense this whole time.
I was the same. No, that’s not right. The truth is, I was even more nervous than you. Since the moment I realized I love you, my heart has raced whenever I think of you, sometimes so much I can barely breathe. At first, I thought I was sick. The more I loved you, the more this troublesome disease consumed me.
Heh, they really got it right, calling it lovesickness. It seems my case is already terminal. Even as a doctor, there’s nothing I can do. Only you can cure it. (Kiss)
I love you.
I’m going to untie your obi.
Sorry if I’m clumsy. I’m… rather inexperienced at this. Don’t hide. Let me see more of you.
You’re beautiful, so much so that I’m almost afraid to touch you. I never realized how delicate you were, even though we’ve been together for so long.
Are you embarrassed? Don’t make that cute face. It only makes me want to tease you.
Haha, just kidding. Remember what I said? I want to be gentler with you than anyone else. I don’t want to hurt you, I’ll just love you.
Come closer… I love you.
(Winter)
Look at the ground, the first frost. Haa… even my breath is white. No wonder it feels so cold. Soon, the snow will start falling as well.
It feels like just yesterday that you arrived in Edo, but here I’m seeing you off already. The seasons pass far too quickly. Thank you for everything these past six months. It’s a long journey going back to Hagi, sorry I can’t escort you.
Haha, yeah. If you meet them, give my regards to Shoin-sensei and everyone at Shoka Sonjuku. What?
Oh, about that marriage arrangement? I turned it down already. I told you, right? I only want you.
Well, you should get going. Take care on your way back.
… Until we meet again.
(Offscreen)
About a month after I saw her off, a major crackdown of pro-expulsion activists, later known as the Ansei Purge, began. Shoin-sensei was once again imprisoned in Noyama Prison. I was called back to Hagi by the clan, and the last time I saw Shoin-sensei was the following summer. That autumn, he was executed in Edo.
Teacher Shoin’s death set the dark ember smoldering inside me ablaze. That flame of hatred turned not only toward foreigners, but also toward the shogunate.
Overthrowing the shogunate. Without a doubt, that was the first time I clearly had that thought.
Droplet
Spring of Bunkyu 3. Since the Ansei Purge, I have been traveling back and forth between Edo and Kyoto. But now, for a specific reason, I’ve finally returned to Hagi.
The cherry blossoms have already turned to leaves. What a shame, once again, I missed them in full bloom.
I remember what you said about this tree—that if it weren’t standing alone on the outskirts of town, more people would come to admire its splendid blossoms.
It’s been a while. Sorry, I haven’t been able to write much.
Yeah, I’m home. (Kiss)
It’s nice to have someone to welcome me home. Did you miss me?
Me too. I thought I had long forgotten such feelings. But even in the midst of my hectic days, traveling between east and west, there wasn’t a single day I didn’t think of you. Your presence reminded me of what it means to be human.
Hm? Oh, no, I’ll have to leave again soon. Something big is about to happen, and I came back to get ready for it. You know Katsura-san and I have been working hard to gain the Imperial Court’s support in Kyoto, right?
Our efforts have finally borne fruit, and the entire court has shifted towards expelling the foreigners. Even the shogunate can’t go against this tide. They’ve sworn to the Emperor to expel foreigners by a set deadline. That date’s coming up, May 10th. On that very day, we will fire upon all foreign ships passing through the Bakan strait. We’ll take the lead in expelling the foreigners.
You’re probably thinking, what’s the point of all this? But taking action in this expulsion is our first step towards overthrowing the shogunate. You’ve heard about those American black ships that showed up in Uraga ten years ago, right? The shogunate caved to America’s overwhelming military power and opened up the country. As long as such a cowardly government remains, Japan will eventually be swallowed up by those foreign powers.
Yes, that’s right. First, we must bring down the shogunate, and beyond that stands an even greater wall, the mighty Western powers.
Even if we try to break it down, the strength of a single man is no more than a drop of water on the surface of that massive wall. But even a tiny droplet, if it continues to strike the same spot over time, can eventually carve through solid rock. That is why I have decided to be that first droplet. If we don’t take action, nothing will ever begin.
Don’t worry. I’m not doing this alone. There are many who share our cause.
I’ll definitely return to you, and hold you in my arms again. Wait for me.
I’m off. (Kiss)
(Offscreen)
On May 10th, the deadline for expelling foreigners, my comrades and I fired on foreign ships passing through the Bakan Strait [1], just as planned. The operation was a success, and the Choshu clan received praise from the Imperial Court.
However, just when the entire country was finally moving towards the expulsion of foreigners, that incident happened. The Aizu and Satsuma clans, who didn’t like Choshu having so much influence over the Imperial Court, conspired to stage a political coup. They expelled the pro-expulsion nobles and Choshu samurai from the Imperial Palace, completely changing the political landscape overnight. This August 18th political coup sent the Choshu clan crashing into some serious trouble.
[1] Bakan Straits (馬関海峡): Also known as Kanmon Straits (関門海峡) or Shimonoseki Straits.
Bubbles
After the August 18 Coup drove our allies out of Kyoto, it was decided they should retreat to Choshu. Under the endless autumn rains, I traveled back to Hagi with them, only to find myself trembling with anger in this empty house, with nowhere for my fury to go.
(Kusaka’s place)
Damn it! Even now, they insist on standing in our way. Those shogunate dogs!
Who’s there? Come in.
You? You’re completely soaked! Did you run in this rain without even an umbrella?
Never mind, just come in and dry yourself off.
You idiot, what if you catch a cold? Here, sit down.
Ticklish? I’m just drying you off. Stay still.
That should do. Really, you… Don’t make me worry so much.
My injury? Oh, it’s just my own fault. I took my anger out on that wall there. So I’m the one making you worry? I’m sorry.
Seriously, after all that big talk, now I’ve ended up like this. Pathetic.
Yeah, I’m okay. I’m still drenched in frustration, yet this is not the time to sit around and feel sorry for ourselves. I need to calm down and think about what to do next.
You already know what happened in Kyoto in August, right? Aizu and Satsuma conspired against us. But those fired-up activists won’t just sit quietly after this. Some of the radicals are already talking about using force.
Right. If we let the radicals have their way, armed conflict will be inevitable. I have to prevent that at all costs. After all, I’m the one who got them all worked up by bombarding those foreign ships back in May.
Anyway, for now, my main goal is to get those who have retreated to Choshu back to Kyoto as soon as possible. Looks like I’ll be traveling back and forth between Hagi and Kyoto for a while. I’m sorry to leave you alone again…
You’re strong, you know.
Despite all the efforts Katsura-san and I made, Choshu was still barred from entering the Imperial Palace. Even now, in the early spring of Genji 1 (1864), with the new year upon us here in Hagi, tensions still run high.
The radicals are on the verge of exploding. The whole Choshu’s starting to feel like using force might not be such a bad idea. We’re barely containing the situation, but it’s like a powder keg. One spark is all it’d take to set everything off.
When that time comes, I’ll have to make up my mind as well. If things weren’t like this, we could’ve taken our time enjoying these cherry blossoms together, the ones I missed last year.
If today were all there is, spring almost feels too short.
Maybe one day, my heart will feel the same. [1]
Even the flowers, bloom and scatter so naturally, if we think of them as only lasting for this one day, we can’t help but feel that spring is too short. Though I hope to face my end with grace, when that moment truly comes, I might still cling to life, yearning to bloom just a little longer.
You suddenly look like you’re about to cry. You can’t hide it. Come on, let me see.
I knew it. You always blink more when you’re lying. I’ve known that about you forever. It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere just yet. I can still hold you like this.
But if you really feel like crying, go ahead and cry on my chest. I’ll catch every tear with these hands. And when your tears finally stop, promise me you’ll show me your smile again.
[1] 「けふのみと 思はば 春のをしからん 我が心をも いつかなしてむ」 from 江月斎遺集, a collection of Kusaka Genzui’s poems.
A Shallow Dream
June 5th, 1864 (Genji 1). The time had finally come. The infamous Ikedaya Incident in Kyoto, where the Shinsengumi killed many pro-expulsion loyalists. This event the final spark that ignited the radicals, who were already on the edge of an explosion. On June 15th, following Kijima Matabei leading 300 guerrilla troops forward, more and more radicals began marching on Kyoto.
A military clash had become inevitable. When I finally accepted this truth, I knew which path I must take.
(In Hagi)
We should say our goodbyes here.
No, if all I felt was just a sense of responsibility, I would’ve committed seppuku long ago. Though this isn’t what I’d hoped for, this march will send a clear message: we will never yield.
Even if we fail today, others will carry forward our cause. Eventually, they will bring the shogunate to its knees. That’s why I must go—to deliver this message myself, to witness it with my own eyes. This is my purpose.
I should get going. This hairpin… is it the one from back then? You’re giving it to me? But I…
I get it. I’ll put it here. (Kiss)
Take care.
You… (Kiss)
I know I’m being incredibly selfish. But please, don’t say anything. Just see me off quietly. I’m begging you.
… I’m sorry.
(Offscreen)
Early in the morning on July 19th, Genji 1 (1864), the sound of cannons echoed across Kyoto. Two thousand Choshu troops swarmed the Imperial Palace, but the allied forces on the shogunate’s side were more than ten times that. In what would become known as the Kinmon Incident, Choshu was doomed from the start.
When Kijima Matabei, one of the leading commanders, fell at the Hamaguri Gate, the Choshu army collapsed. And yet, not a single person tried to flee.
(Battlefield)
The Satsuma forces are overwhelming us! Pull back to the Takatsukasa mansion! Use the walls as cover and regroup!
Shoot through the gaps in the wall. Aim carefully. Don’t waste a single shot!
We all know if we return fire, the shots might hit the Imperial Palace behind them. We have no choice—fire!
The wall’s about to collapse. Get the wounded inside. Anyone who can move, draw your swords. They’re about to pour in.
Come on, let’s show them what Choshu warriors are made of!
Next!
Not yet… I’m not done yet…
(Gunshot)
It’s okay, the shot missed my heart, but… I fear this is the end..
No, lend me your shoulder, let’s get inside.
(Inside the mansion)
Do me a favor. Please… leave me alone. I’m sorry.
In this state, I can’t even commit seppuku properly.
Her hairpin… it’s broken.
Cherry blossoms... gently plucked by the wind...
Rest upon a samurai's armor...
Their grace and fragrance linger... [1]
A cherry blossom out of season.. you’re just like me, blooming in vain. She kept you close all this time…
The fire’s… spreading to the mansion. This place… will fall… soon…
(In the dream)
Where am I? These cherry blossoms… could I be back in Hagi? You…
Ah, I see. This is my dream. The cherry blossoms, your presence—it’s all just a dream.
But even if only in a dream, I’m grateful to see you one last time. There’s something I need to tell you. Will you hear me?
There’s always been a dark fire burning inside me. It grew stronger with each passing day, and now it’s about to consume even me. But even so, the days I spent with you were truly peaceful, a single, irreplaceable light in my life.
And there’s something I must apologize for. When I left Hagi, I couldn’t bring myself to say “see you again”. I knew from the beginning that we had no chance of winning this battle, and that this would be my final battle. I knew all along.
Yet, you gave me that hairpin you cherished so dearly as a charm and saw me off without a word. You probably knew, didn’t you? That I was prepared to die.
Remember I once told you I might one day cling to my life…?
You were right. My deepest regret is that I’ll never be able to return your hairpin in person. I’m sorry.
Even in my dream, you’re as kind as ever. Thank you. You’ve always saved me.
It looks like I have to go now.
I love you. Even though we’re apart, I’ll always pray for your happiness.
(In the fire)
I’m awake now…At least, at the very end, I had a nice dream. I’m a fortunate man.
My life will burn out soon. I’ll never be able to hold you again.
Though my body may fade… my heart and soul… will always return to you.
So, wait for me… beneath that… cherry tree…
[1] 「桜花 手折りかざさん 武士の 鎧の上に 色香を見せて」from 江月斎遺集.
Akaki's Otome Archive 
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